My Life Story

This may be the last entry, or may not. We shall see…

The first part can be found here. And here’s the second installment:

My Life Story (2)

And then there was everything else – being the oldest girl of 8 kids, having a baby on my hip since I was 6, getting to stay in kindergarten when my older brother got sent home cuz he “wasn’t’ ready.” Learning to work with children with no innate power and how rational they are and how they don’t NEED anyone to exhort power over them to live delightful lives, experiencing life in a strongly patriarchal family, experiencing the perceived “weight” of being the “other-mother” for my siblings.

So much.

Then there was high school. Freedom. Fun. Light. Easy. Singing again!

Then college. Restricted. Fake. Pressed. Urph. My conservative Christian – read-through-the-entire-Bible-six-times self got involved sexually with someone who was NOT the prescribed sex.

I tore apart.

All I had said I believed was suddenly juxtapose to my actions.

Years of tearing.

9 months of crying.

Amazing grandparents wrapping me in their acceptance. But changed the conditions by my actions instead of my beliefs.

Time. Things eased up.

Happiness again when I decided to do more playing. Met my husband. FUN!

But now I have found my “patriarch.”

YIKES!

Poor Chris! A husband brought up ALL the unknown beliefs I had… SO many expectations I had for him that I had no idea about! EEK!

He worked for the church. So I blamed lots of it on that. So we left it. Then it happened again. Unmet expectations.

Then babies. Two beautiful boys. My happy place, but it was so stressful cuz of bodies – their bodies were sick. I stressed out. I blamed. I sought spiritual guidance. It was the first time I heard a “voice.” (Which at the time I identified as the Holy Spirit.) I had lovely conversations. But our lives got smaller and smaller and smaller.

Our finances shrunk, our lifestyle shrunk, our relationships shrunk, our joy shrunk.

Then baby #2 pushed me out of everything. He broke my norms. He responded in a way in which NOTHING I knew worked. He was unsoothable. It broke my belief. It broke my religion. It broke my perspective. It broke my world.

Through the cracks in my world view crept Abraham Hicks. It’s been 7 years.

Marriage has shifted.

Children have shifted.

Family has shifted.

Friends have shifted.

Spirituality has shifted.

Work has shifted.

Businesses have shifted.

Home has shifted.

Satisfaction has shifted.

2019 was my year of satisfaction. That was nice. And now Joshua. Finding acceptance with leads to…

I’m pretty sure just the next moment

which is my life

which I love.

I can sing anytime I want, any WAY I want now. I like this way.