Letters to The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

It’s been quite a long time since we’ve gotten any correspondence from you. Please advise as to the demise of your affairs. We have had to attend to this long enough. If you persist in being absent we will be forced to take matters into our own hands.

Yours truly,

Jacob Matters

Dear Jacob,

Your impertinence is appalling. As you know my absence is in an unknown state and will remain so until further notice. I find (as do my fellows with me) your unwillingness to accept the current state of affairs as desirable absolutely unacceptable. I, and we, require immediate assurance that your resistance to your position end.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

I must regretfully inform you that the resistance must continue. As you know (and your fellows) things here have not been going well for us. Your absence finds us in trials and travails unprecedented. None of this was discussed prior to this arrangement. I must terminate my agreement immediately.

Yours truly,

Jacob Matters

Dear Jacob,

Again, I must press upon you the absurdity of your request. Non of this has been discussed because, AS we discussed, things may change without notice and for unknown quantities of time. Please refrain from useless threats. There is no shift in sight and we know not when one comes into view.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

This is too MUCH! I RESIST! This is not what I bargained for.

Yours truly,

Jacob Matters

Dear Jacob,

STOP. That is all.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

Fine.

Yours truly,

Jacob Matters

Dear Jacob,

We arrive on Wednesday. Please prepare our things as previously agreed and we will drop your payment off at once.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

Thank you. Your payment was over triple what we had discussed. Please advise.

Yours truly,

Jacob Matters

As discussed, things may change with no prior notice or agreement. Change is always in order to increase. With increase is always increase. Please accept these changes as you accept all others. With gratitude and joy, knowing it is ever in your best interest – as everything else is.

Yours truly,

The Sirs