Letters to The Sirs

March 4, 2020

Dear Sirs,

I regret to inform you that this seems to be too much for me to bear! What is with this incredibly intense amount of pain cracking in my head?! This is too MUCH! what is the purpose of it? Why is it required? What place is it moving me to? How in the world can it possibly be for any kind of good when I can’t even think through it?

Isn’t all we go through supposed to be for us in that it gives us the chance to shift how we think about things? Well-how can I possibly shift how I think about things when my head is cracking so hard that I can’t think at all?!

Yours truly,

The One with the Cracking Head

Dear One with the Cracking Head,

We are sorry to inform you that you seem to have missed the point of life experiences entirely. They are not about being lived for some “result” or, as you have so recently noted, “it’s not about the “product.”

You see, life is an experience; it is to be experienced for what it is. You are trying to experience it for what it “can be” rather than what it actually is. What if this new cracking experience became your new “normal”? What if, all of a sudden, you had a brain tumor and your life would be lived at this level of pain, with no relief, for the rest of its duration? What if THIS WAS your life?

Please respond.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

That is the worst idea EVER! Why would anyone EVER have to live with this level of pain?! That makes me angry! How can that possibly BE?! Nobody deserves to be in this pain for any amount of time, let alone to have it be their “normal”! Even the dang tip of my nose just had a shooting pain just now! It’s just not RIGHT!

Yours truly,

The Cracking Head

Dear The Cracking Head,

And, thus lies within your response the purpose (as you so deparately want everything to have) of the crack in your skull. Do you hear your response: “it isn’t RIGHT.” Please share what “isn’t RIGHT” about it, for, we were quite certain that all was right in the Universe, and, indeed, we were quite certain that it is experiencing things like this, that feel out of the ordinary, which is indeed the WAY the universe expands.

Please tell us how you believe it is NOT.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

How in the world can it be ok for expansion to happen if it is based on this kind of PAIN??!! My freaking HEAD IS EXPLODING!!! Screw expansion! I just want my head to fit in my skull again! (ANGRY FACE EMOJI!!!)

Yours truly,

Cracking

Dear Cracking,

How far can the world go if everyone’s head fits neatly within their skulls? Does everyone also need to have 2.5 children, and a single marriage till death do they part, and a house, and a dog, and two cats, and a yard? Will you have your life staged out for you exactly the same way as everyone else’s perfect little life? Will you lead the life of the Truman Show, where nothing can ever change? Would you have us draw borders around your experience and never allow you to go beyond those borders? Would you have us give you your skull and the head within it, and never, no matter how bored, through now every many lifetimes of samenesses, NEVER, EVER, allow that head to swell up outside of its borders and provide you with the experience of expansion that this NEW and DIFFERENT experience grants you? Would you REALLY like a truman life better? Do you realLY think no one should ever get to choose something differently?

Please respond, we are curious.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

Fine. I GET that maybe someone wants to have different experiences. But how on earth can it be good to have an experience that includes SO MUCH DANG PAIN?!?

Yours truly,

Cracking

Dear Cracking,

Therein lies the rub, doesn’t it? The “problem” as you see it, is that the human experience can only go so far if we exclude every, single experience which could be called “negative.” you know this, we are sure, but if you dis-allow anything that is not positive, then you dis-allow exactly ONE HALF of experiences… 50%. You just took your life circle and cut it by exactly one-half! Yes, we get that you want it all coming up roses… but without the thorns, there will be so many fewer roses. For they will ALL be eaten by the animals!

Without the thorns, you actually DON’T get the roses! Indeed, your experience of the roses is made brighter by virtue OF the thorns!

Would you take away all the enjoyment given by the roses because you want to limit the experience of the thorns? We are curious.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

Fine. Have your dang thorns on your dang roses. Yes, of course I like roses and I get that they need thorns… but that still doesn’t explain why I need my dang head cracking out of my skull. If the roses insist on being better than any other flower and smelling the best and having the most expansive and complete journey, than FINE!

But what about ME? Why can’t my journey just be mild and easy and less dang cracking!!!?

I am curious…

Yours truly,

Cracking

Dear Cracking,

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

You said nothing!

Yours truly,

Cracking

Dear Cracking,

Because you already just said it ALL! Did you hear what you said? You answered your own question. We have nothing more to add.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

WHAT?! I wasn’t answering, I was questioning! Sometimes I think you Sirs are crazy. What are you talking about?!

Still just as dang curious but feeling like Im’ talking to crazy people.

Yours truly,

Cracking

Dear Cracking,

It is right in front of you AND within you, but you do not want to see it, BECAUSE when you see it you will begin to accept your life for what it is. And, when you being to accept your life for what it IS, that will go against the persona which you have built up on the belief that YOU have to effort and struggle to make everything in your life come out perfect.

You said it: IF they insist on being better and best, and having the most expansive and complete journey…

YOU came here, just like the roses, to have the best, most complete, expansive journey. you didn’t come here to play it safe! You didn’t come here to be mediocre. You came to EXPAND! To be big and bold and beautiful and

 Vibrant!

Without a periodic tear in one of your leaves from your own thorns… you will never reach that level of vibrance you want. Without the practice of what vibrant looks like even WHEN your head is cracking… your vibrance is mediocre. Your vibrance has no place to outshine all the others if it is easy to be vibrant. This is YOUR gig! This is YOUR choice! This is YOUR pick to make sure that you can be sweet and kind and pleasant and rested and easy and fun, and ALL the things you write pages and pages of dreams and hopes for your life upon. THIS is the surety of those things!

That you can take your boys out on a walk in the sunshine, enjoy watching the dogs play, get a sunburn napping in the hammock and overdose on your pain meds like everyone else, THAT is your expansion. THAT is how you want to live your life.

EASY. FUN. RELAXED. SUPPORTED. Whether it be by nurses and doctors, or spouses and children, or co-workers and friends. you WANT to live a life where everything is working out for you…

AND…

Get this:

Where YOU do NOT have to DO. IT. ALL.

You are in the process of letting go of that belief you created so long ago that said you have to get it ALL done. Now you know, in even something as simple as having a bloody nose, you are supported, people are THERE for you! Your spouse will lose sleep for ou, medical professionals have spent their lives in order to walk you through this – you are SUPPORTED!

THIS is your expansion. And, it is SO big, that it is cracking right through your skull.

Enjoy it. Bask in it. Love it. For you are cracking. Cracking right out of all the walls you have put up to protect yourself. And, you are free! Free to walk over the cracked rubble and out into the park to enjoy the life you are creating in EASE & FUN & JOY & PLAY.

This is the life you wanted. Find the pieces of it you’ve been looking for: support, help, kindness, love… and bask in those. These are what you wanted – but – you couldn’t tell you had them until you started cracking through.

Yours truly,

The Sirs

Dear Sirs,

Well, you make me crazy, but, I guess you make a lot of sense. Thanks for the perspective. I guess I’ll just spend this time basking in all the things I’ve been wanting. And leave the rest well enough alone.

Thanks for all your wisdom. And a hell of a lot of pain somehow understandable.

Yours truly, with all my love,

Cracking Up (to move beyond my boundaries and out, into the open)